I have been struggling.
The last few months have been hard. On February 22nd, we got great news that I was pregnant. We went into our 8-week appointment on March 18th to find out I had what is called a molar pregnancy. Having only half of the chromosomes meant that the baby couldn't form correctly, but instead, a clump of cells was growing at an accelerated rate. So, after some blood tests, a D&C was scheduled for three days later on March 21st. The operation went smoothly and the doctor was very optimistic that everything was removed, but it took a couple months and multiple blood tests every few weeks to verify that no further action would be required. Physically, I am doing great and my levels are back to normal. Praise God!
Emotionally, it has been difficult. We have lost a child and that isn't an easy thing to deal with. I have been a mess (Ask Andi… he was right by me through it all).
Now, before anyone tries to tell me that it wasn't a child, just stop. I don't need to hear that. It isn't helpful (I have multiple reasons for why I believe it was a child and I would love to share those with anyone who would like to hear them, but I won't go into that now). No matter what you believe about when a life begins and what happens in a molar pregnancy, we still lost the future of having this child in our family and it hurts.
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| My necklace reminder of our baby |
I could still use prayer. Some days, the emotions hit harder and I feel depressed and angry that we are having to go through this. Other
days, I am able to give it all to God
and trust Him and His timing for
our lives.
Thank you for all those who have been praying for us and encouraging us through this time!
Krishauna (and Andi)
Thank you for all those who have been praying for us and encouraging us through this time!
Krishauna (and Andi)
I hear where you're coming from. Last year, we too had a miscarriage. It wasn't a molar pregnancy but rather a chemical one. It "wasn't even a clump of cells." At 7 weeks, my body rejected the pregnancy. It was difficult to deal with. The only tiny bright light was that we conceived again 8 months after we conceived the first time; so I tried to take some comfort in the fact that if Baby #1 had been born then Baby #2 would not have even been conceived, and I struggle to imagine what that would have been like since I love her as well. But even so, it was hard. People would ask me if this was our first child, and I'd reply "hopefully," even at 30+ weeks gestation. Whether or not you conceive again quickly enough that your pregnancies would have overlapped, I can tell you that you'll never stop loving Baby #1. I'll be praying for you and Andi for peace and closure over the loss of your child.
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ReplyDeleteStill grieving with you and praying for you, but also proud and excited to read this. For me, sharing has been a huge part of healing (though of course I too have those same kinds of days and of course there is no "getting over it"). Love to both of you.
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