Sorry it has been so long since I posted!
I got to Casa Bernabe on May 31st, but I decided to wait a while before writing a blog entry for a couple different reasons. First, I wanted to get used to everything here, but now I am always so busy and tired. Second, for a while it was REALLY hard for me to be here. I didn't want to write about how hard everything was without having any good news, but things are going better now so I figured it is a good time to write.
I got to Casa Bernabe on May 31st, but I decided to wait a while before writing a blog entry for a couple different reasons. First, I wanted to get used to everything here, but now I am always so busy and tired. Second, for a while it was REALLY hard for me to be here. I didn't want to write about how hard everything was without having any good news, but things are going better now so I figured it is a good time to write.
Originally, I had asked to be in one of the girls’ houses
here, but I was contacted a while back and asked if I would be willing to be in
a boys’ house. I almost said no because I didn't want to be in a boys’
house. But as I was responding to the email, I felt like God said, “Wait. Let’s
talk about this before you give an answer.” So I stopped and prayed. God showed
me that I was being selfish. I wanted to be in a girls’ house just because I wanted
to and I would feel more comfortable there, but God reminded me that I was not coming
to work in the orphanage for me. I am here for the kids and I am here to help
Casa Bernabe. So after talking with God for a while, I responded and told them
that I would be willing to be wherever they needed the most help… so now I am
in Casa Samuel. It is the house for boys between the ages of 5 and 8 (we have one 3 year old because his brother is in our house and they didn't want to split them up).
After being here for just a few hours, I knew that this
house needed help so for that reason, I am glad to be here. There are 14 boys
living in Casa Samuel now. If you know boys at this age, you understand how they
can be sometimes… I think the best word to best describe them is crazy. But
imagine 14 of those boys all together… all the time. Here it isn’t just crazy,
it is completely insane! Some of the phrases I hear most often in this house
from the boys are “He hit me!”, “He pushed me!”, “That’s mine!”, and LOTS of
screaming followed by at least one of the following responses from the adults:
“Careful!”, “Don’t hit!”, “Don’t push!”, “Give it to me!”, “Go to your room!” “Time
out!”, and “Be quiet!” which is almost always followed with more screaming. Most
of the time it is the child screaming, but occasionally it is one of us adults.
;)
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| Boys of Casa Samuel |
I have to keep reminding myself that these boys have come
from very difficult situations and they have gone through a lot, but while I
know it is hard for them, they still need to learn to listen and learn how to
correctly interact with others. I was talking to one of the other American
girls here and we were discussing how difficult it can be to balance certain
things here. We need to be firm with the kids, but we also need to show them
that we love them. This is really hard for me because the boys are
constantly testing me. They want to know how far they can go before I will
punish and then they take the punishment to mean that I don’t love them. In
those moments, I have to ask God to give me love for them and to help me
demonstrate that love to them because in those moments I personally don’t
feel much love for them and to be completely honest, I don’t want to love them.
I know that God put me here and that he is going to use me to touch these boys'
lives, but it is hard to see it at times.
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| My temporary family! ♥ |
On a positive note, I love the house parents and my roommate
(the other helper in the house). They have all been so helpful and they treat
me like family. I would not have been able to even make it this long without
them. There are also many other people here at the orphanage who I am getting to know. They have been so helpful to me and constantly encourage me to keep going.
There are a few things I could use prayer for:
- That God will do a lot in me and through me while I am here!
- I could really use prayer that I will have wisdom with how to handle situations with the boys. They don't listen to me and they don't respect me. I don't know how to earn their respect and I don't know how to make them listen. It is just REALLY hard!
- My Spanish is getting better, but I still need a lot of practice. My house parents speak a lot of English so I find myself always using English with them instead of trying to speak Spanish. I have to use Spanish with the boys, but they don't like to talk to me much.
- I am having trouble finding time to spend with God. I have early mornings and long, tiring days so I end up sleeping for a lot of my breaks. I need to manage my time more wisely and prioritize devotion time because that is so important!
Thank you so much for your prayers and I will try to do better at updating more regularly!
Krishauna Fulp
